I like to get right to the point, and I know you’re probably reading this on your phone and scrolling is a giant pain, so let’s just cut to the chase: Drinking at a work lunch is a landmine, and it’s usually best to steer clear.
I’m guessing reactions to this statement will fall into two distinct camps:
- Duh. Obviously. People have to be told this?
- What? Nuh-uh. I go to lunch with my boss/colleague/client all the time, and he/she is super cool and never blinks when I order a drink.
I chose this topic for my first blog post because one of the last pre-pandemic events I hosted was a workshop for a couple dozen people who were mostly in their 20s. Lunch was at a Mexican restaurant a few blocks away, and my co-host and I sent the group ahead while we waited for a few stragglers. By the time we got to the restaurant, everyone was seated and digging into chips and salsa … and some were also enjoying large margaritas.
So to recap: These people had a) ordered drinks; b) at a work lunch; c) where they were guests; d) without waiting to see if their hosts suggested doing so, or ordered one themselves; and e) these drinks were large cocktails.
Let’s unpack each of these points one by one.
- First, alcohol is always subject to scrutiny, especially at a seated meal. This is true at work and personal events. It’s like ordering food as a woman – fairly or not, people immediately draw all kinds of conclusions based on what you order.
- Drinking at a work lunch is not that common, whatever your experience has been thus far. This isn’t “Mad Men;” if you order a drink at lunch, especially if you do so right away, without anyone urging you to do so, reactions are likely to range from a raised eyebrow to thinking you’re a lush with a problem. Also, keep in mind that work lunches tend to be short and/or involve people driving afterward. Tossing one back and then getting in a car is never a great idea.
- Being someone’s guest means following their lead. This is true whether you’re at their home or a restaurant. You don’t walk into a host’s house and immediately start opening cupboard doors to look for a plate or glass. Similarly, when you’re someone’s guest at a restaurant, you let them set the tone. Here’s a sample of how this can work:
Server: “What would you like to drink?”
Host, to you: “Go ahead – what would you like?”
You: “Why don’t you go ahead? I’m still thinking.”
OR
You: “I’ll start with water. I may get something later, once I decide what I’m ordering.”
Remember, nothing bad ever happened to someone who stuck with water. And if your host orders a drink and encourages you to do so, you can always change your mind and order a professional drink.
Sign up to get an email whenever I post. If you sign up with your email address, I’ll send you my list of 26 items that comprise an Adult Male’s Appropriate Wardrobe for All Social and Professional Occasions.
What’s a “professional drink?” It’s a drink that’s low-key and unfussy, something you can sip with dignity. Some good rules of thumb:
- Order something less expensive than what your host ordered.
- When in doubt, err on the side of a simple glass of wine or a beer.
- Avoid anything that draws attention to itself – e.g., over-the-top garnishes, giant size, colors not found in nature, sexual names, anything popular on spring break or cruise ships, super boozy drinks like Long Island iced teas. (Also, LIITs make you look trashy. I’m sorry, but it’s true – Google it.)
Professional drinks: beer, wine, anything in a lowball or old-fashioned glass such as a gin + tonic
Unprofessional drinks: bloody Marys with strips of bacon and giant celery stalks sticking out of them, fishbowl margaritas, shots, Long Island iced teas (I know I said this already, but it bears repeating) … or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, anything super complicated or pretentious (“Tell me about your smoked salts.” “What brand of bitters do you use?”)
And never, no matter what, order a second drink at lunch.
“But SB!” you protest. “My boss always orders a drink at lunch!”
Here’s a good time to remember a hard truth: You and your boss are not the same. By definition, she is in charge, and she gets to do whatever she wants, at least when she’s not with her boss. You, meanwhile, are the minion, and you must act as such. That means filtering what you say and how you act to give the best impression of professionalism at all times. Which is hard to do when drinking a giant margarita.
(Incidentally, the same is true when it comes to being on time for things. Your boss gets to keep you waiting. You do not get to keep him or her waiting.)
Returning to the lunch and the guests who had ordered margaritas without waiting for us: My first impulse was to say a stern, “Uh, this isn’t that kind of lunch.” My co-host, on the other hand, a woman older and wiser than I, simply smiled and said graciously, “How nice that you made yourselves comfortable while you were waiting. Would anyone else like a drink?” Which immediately eased the tension in the room among those who recognized the etiquette violation.
This was a good lesson for me: They may not have been good guests, but we were still good hosts, and a good host doesn’t shame her guests; instead, she makes everyone comfortable and smooths over potentially awkward situations. Even mentors need a mentor.
Things I Wish I'd Known in My 20s 
All great points! You’ve captured a lot that I had to just learn along the way. I think another reason to abstain from drinks with your co-workers is to make a clear separation of work and personal life. I remember becoming pregnant with my first child, and having to try and quietly order a club soda and lime without bringing attention to “not” ordering an adult beverage. So awkward. Just another point to add from the female perspective.
LikeLiked by 1 person