Note to my white male readers: Today’s post may seem like it’s directed solely at employees of color and women, but white males, stick with me: I promise there’s stuff in here for you, too.
I’ve never been fortunate enough to be part of a strong affinity group (also known as an employee resource group, or ERG), and I envy those who are. These can be key to helping people who are not white men find like-minded colleagues and survive environments where they’re often the only non-white/non-male/non-straight/non-[fill in the blank]. If you’re like me and don’t work at a place that has robust ERGs, do what I’ve done and create your own. (More on this in a future post.)
But a few months ago, I was watching (of all things) a video from Marvel announcing their Phase 5 movie plans, and I realized something: Affinity groups are great, but if you want to get ahead in your career, it’s highly likely you need help from a white male.
I can’t find the Marvel video, which is driving me crazy, but it was about 20 minutes long and featured Kevin Feige and various Marvel VIPs touting the diversity of planned MCU projects: directors who are female and people of color, stories built around Asian, Muslim, female, LGBTQ and otherwise non-white-male leads. It was (pardon the pun) marvelous. It made me want to cheer.
But about halfway through the video, I realized that every single time they talked about the decision to hire a non-white male or feature a non-white-male-centered story, they said some version of this: “So then [white male executive/director/famous actor] said, ‘I think we should hire [female or POC or LGBTQ director or actor].”
In other words: White men were the gatekeepers in all of these scenarios.
Most of the directors and actors chosen for the new slate of diverse content are veterans who’ve demonstrated their talent and ability. But they needed a white male to open the door and invite them into the MCU.
And it’s not just Hollywood. When Joe Biden promised during his campaign to choose a team that “looks like America,” it boiled down to the same thing: A group of female, people of color or LGBTQ professionals who are incredibly accomplished and credentialed, who’ve put in the time and proven themselves … and still needed the blessing of a white male gatekeeper to ascend to this level (or in the case of the Cabinet, dozens of white male gatekeepers, since Cabinet secretaries need Senate approval).
Most of the directors and actors chosen for the new slate of diverse content are veterans who’ve demonstrated their talent and ability. But they needed a white male to open the door and invite them in.
Take Kamala Harris, for instance. If you look at her career path, it’s a series of opportunities given to her by men who recognized her talent and hard work and opened doors for her, up to and including Joe Biden asking her to serve as his running mate.
Janet Yellen is the same. She’s historically credentialed as the “first person to have headed the Treasury, the central bank and the White House Council of Economic Advisers,” the three most powerful economic positions in the nation. And she got each of those positions by being tapped by a man: Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.
My point is not to take away from what any of these people have accomplished. As I’ve said, all of them are talented and noteworthy on their own. My point is that, despite their expertise, none of them would have achieved the level of success they now enjoy without an outstretched hand from a male (and 99% of the time, a white male).
All of this made me realize: Affinity groups can be super helpful. I truly believe that companies that are serious about diversity, equity and inclusion should have strong ones, and if you’re a minority of some kind (female, person of color, LGBTQ, etc.), you should seek out one or form your own informal one, as I’ve done. But you also need to be intentional about cultivating white males.
Did you know that a staggering number of jobs are never posted? It’s true … and the higher level the job, the less likely it is to be posted. Your network is what gets you a job, and for minorities, this can be a huge barrier, because their networks rarely include the white males who still comprise the majority of our power structures.
The key to success isn’t just having the right credentials or a willingness to work hard. It’s knowing the right people and getting them to sponsor you. And the right people are almost always white.
Even when minority students are fortunate enough to attend the elite colleges that feed most power structures, they often occupy a different universe than their white male counterparts. This fascinating report, for example, found a common experience of “neo-segregation” in higher ed, where “colleges eagerly recruit black and other minority students, but actively foster campus arrangements that encourage these students to form separate social groups on campus” such as “racially separate student orientations, racially-identified student centers, racially-identified student counseling, racially-identified academic programs, racially separate student activities, racially-specific political agendas, racially-exclusive graduation ceremonies, and racially-organized alumni groups.”
I get why colleges – and employers – do things like this, and why students and employees enthusiastically participate. It feels so so good to be with people who look like you, and think like you and just plain get you … to not be the only non-white or non-straight or non-cis person in the room. When my company does some well-intentioned but boneheaded thing around DEI, my first move is to text my friends of color who also work there to say, “Did you see …? Can you believe …?”
But here’s the thing: None of that has necessarily helped to advance my career. The key to success isn’t just having the right credentials or a willingness to work hard. It’s knowing the right people and getting them to sponsor you. And the right people are almost always white, and a lot of the time they’re male. Affinity groups are great and a boost to the soul … but if you want to advance your career, save plenty of time and energy for cultivating white men.
And to my white male readers, let me be clear: No one is blaming you for the systemic advantages you’re born with. Well, maybe a little, but most of us recognize that the good ones among you (like my wonderful husband and so many of my friends) wish the system weren’t built this way. If you made it all the way to the end and are reading this, I hope your reaction isn’t, “Wow, I have so much power!” but, “This is kind of messed up. How can I use my systemic power to try to change this?” That’s what the white men I admire, like my husband and friends, are doing, in big and small ways. If you’d like to join them, here are some great articles on how to be an ally:
Things I Wish I'd Known in My 20s 